Have you ever been around people and still felt completely alone and secluded? I feel a lot of people are lonely and don’t even recognize it. Knowing people you keep in touch with is far from the ballpark of actual friendships if we’re being sincere.
Friendships should be mutually beneficial relationships where the parties involved feel seen, heard and can be completely vulnerable in a safe and gratifying way.. More times, it’s not really about having them in numbers; it’s about the quality of the friendships and learning how to cultivate better relationships….
Positivity, Consistency and Vulnerability:
Smiles, laughter, joy, kindness, empathy, affirmations, gratitude, prayers, advise, acts of service are all things we should not only seek in friendships but we should also emit these vibrations… now, this does not negate the downside of friendships, the fights, grief, sadness amongst other emotions and energies that you experience? NO, Never that… Essentially, energies rub off on each other like I have mentioned in earlier journal entries.. there should be a balance and most importantly consistency which is somewhere I personally feel I have lacked in… consistency in the sense of behaviors, time spent together, conversations, intimacy, inside jokes, moments friends share together and not just the occasional hi and bye are you still alive? on social media.. growing up, education and being in school was the proponent of consistency in friendships I feel.. we were pretty much around each other all the time and that’s why nowadays you hear things like “we were friends in school back then”
I more than anyone fully understands that maintaining friendships as adults can indeed be overwhelming and it’s a lot going on with everyone and also how hectic this rat race of life can get but I promise it’s a silly excuse not to be a friend… Time is also a really silly excuse but that would be up for discussion some other time. As a matter of fact, that should be the reason friendships should grow a lot stronger. In the thick of it, “How many of us?”
The more consistent and vulnerable we can be in our friendships, the stronger they become.. how many of your friends really know you is the question… loneliness is not as a result of not having many friends like I said, it’s really just a lack of having “Upper Echelon” friends who you are extremely vulnerable and consistent with and also have built an incredible level of trust with… I know trust is a not only a big word but a character trait that is not entirely present in too many people but like I said, they don’t happen overnight, consistency builds up these things. So how about moving certain people you already have a positive vibration with up the consistency ladder as opposed to shopping for multitudes which still leaves you feeling lonely? The fallout of these healthy habits and practices in our relationships should be feelings of being seen, safe and satisfied. At this point we can agree that moving friends up the ladder goes beyond the “how is your life,” question we all love asking each other. I feel any relationship lacking in any of those key areas is not entirely complete… I’m also not here saying trust every dam person and be vulnerable, that is a slippery slope (Grease or Oil, your pick)
A couple of people I reached out to recently are probably reading this wondering what’s gotten into dex?🤣🤣 Someone asked if I saw her in a dream too. 😂 that’s really far from it, in a moment of calm and meditation it actually just hit me how out of touch and inconsistent I have been for the longest.. Friendships are important not just for you, but for the other parties involved. we might not fully realize it but little things go a really long way and the past couple of weeks I have had is nothing but a testament to what I'm saying and feeling currently.
I won’t limit this entry to just the positives of friendships, lets also talk about the actively toxic ones we’re currently in but still stomach because of the “History” behind them. Know what even worse? Being a Codependent person and having the need for these toxic friendships to properly function physically and mentally. Constantly seeking approval and walking on eggshells, if your mood is greatly dependent on how someone else feels is the definition of toxic.
Toxicity definitely isn’t limited to that, I feel one-sided relationships also are toxic. If one person is always initiating and pursuing, at some point it gets tiring. When conversations begin to feel like a chore it becomes long and less of a conversation if we’re being honest…. I talked about this in an earlier journal entry (I wont say which, go fish 🎣)… Boundaries, supportiveness, absence and or the reoccurrence of conflict amongst other parameters are indicators of the nature of existing friendships
I don’t think I’ve come across a program or platform that teaches you how to be a better friend which is really weird because we have platforms for other relationship dynamics. We have marriage therapists and clinics, grief counselors, leadership coaching, family and individual therapy but nothing specific that caters to the bedrock of these relationships- FRIENDSHIPS ….“Friendships are deep, meaningful connections” I mean, that’s why we are always advised to get married or get together with people we consider friends. Friendship first, then relationship I feel is ideal but what do I know?🤣
More times the people we like to call friends are just “Acquaintances” in my opinion.. I’ll ask again: How many of us? We smile at each other but how many honest?
“How am I supposed to love, if I don’t even love myself?”
It would be remiss of me not to talk about self-love. All what I have spoken about is nonexistent without enjoying your own company, loving and being friends with yourself FIRST. You simply can’t give what you don’t have. Self-love emits a vibration you literally cannot deny (Highlight if you get my reference👀). The more in love with who you are, the more love, consistency, and attention you can give out to others. It’s a no-brainer your energy would attract likeminded people and it becomes as organic as possible as opposed to the stress of trying to fit in to certain circles or forcing friendships with certain people which becomes null and void.
There’s no such thing as a “Whole Person” we all need a solid support system that goes beyond family. Friendships are the next best thing! We hear phrases like “Friend turned brother” so I see no reason why we shouldn’t at least be invested in people we claim to care about one little way or the other… a phone call, text message, even just having people in your prayers and mantras is an amazing investment into the friendship if you ask me. Leave all the social media shenanigans although it does count a tiny percentage to others not most, it really should not be a benchmark or the catalyst of the consistency we seek to achieve. Let’s live in the present moment, in real life, with real people, real emotions and real healthy and deep conversations that foster an environment for our friendships to thrive.
These past weeks have been really exciting for myself, connected with a lot of people i actually rate and consider to be guys.. fruitful conversations and just knowing everyone is out here on one grind or the other trying to make things pop really put me in a good space mentally and gave me an amazing boost. Someone even had to ask me if i was on some Molly because i was acting unusual 🤣.. Right now I feel more like myself than I have in the longest, most secure, most in touch I’ve been, energy feeling too right, mind on track and the hunger for more increases on a daily basis.. done with being too comfortable and complacent and finally up!
So this is me wrapping up this entry, urging us all to be more active friends, sometimes be the “bigger person” and reach out first if its someone you really care about… Remember, death knows no names and faces… it takes at anytime it wants… in the words of 2baba! “Delay is dangerous, make you no dey act like mumu”
Wishing you guys an amazing month of July
Love, Light & Positive Vibrations Always 🧡☀️🚀